GITTY

This Friday I will be attending my aunt Bertha’s, also known as “Gitty” funeral. It will have passed by the time you will have read this. The last funeral I attended of someone in my family was my grandmother, who was also named Bertha. I never seem to remember dates. For some reason dates are not important to me. What is important in the memory that people leave with me. As a child I felt extremely close to my family. I felt like I knew everyone and spent a significant amount of time with them as well. As I aged I felt myself distancing myself away from my family. This is not done with any intent. It naturally takes place as young adults try to make their way through life. With that being said, tragedy, or death seems to bring people together.

I would be lying if I knew my Aunt’s age and date of birth. I could cheat and find out. What is that worth? Not much. What is worth something is that I will get to see many of my family members who I have not seen in years. We will hug, cry, laugh, celebrate and talk about how we should keep in touch. I know this because this is what people do. Last fall I got together with several of my college buddies. We met for drinks and took pictures and talked about life and our kids and families. WE remitted about the college days and reflected. We also talked about trying to get together again soon. This has not happened yet. My ”Rivers” side of the family has tried to bring the family together. They put a lot of effort into this. However the results are not showing yet.
My aunt Gitty was extremely close to my mother. They talked everyday. They fought, laughed, and gossiped everyday. Through my mother I knew what was going on with my Aunt. Even in that close relationship they had, I do not know if my mother had a chance to say goodbye! How do you say goodbye to someone dying? I believe people try to hold on to life, by saying that everything is going to be alright. Death is hard to face, in my case I believe it is harder for those who are watching someone close to them die. I used to think about death 24/7. I could not sleep and it really took over my life. I think about it from time to time now, however I think about living 99% of the time.

My memories of my aunt are mostly from my childhood. I spent a lot of time over at my aunt’s house with my cousins. If I had to describe my aunt in one word based on my experiences that word would be AMUSING. She was funny yet loving. I never recall my Aunt Gitty being mean or anything like that. I do recall aunts and uncles in my life that could be mean! She was not. She was the life of the party, until she got too drunk and then she was the problem at the party. Like I said, she was amusing. I recall her getting drunk at a few family events and her sisters trying to talk to her and tell her to stop drinking. Her response “ you are not my mother” my mother is Bertha. Growing up she always called me baby. I felt so special that she referred to me in that manner. It was that sweet gentle voice she used when she said it. I was an adult when I realized she called everyone baby.
I was unable to finish this blog before the funeral. I really didn’t want to reflect on the funeral. I don’t like pictures of people in coffins or even in hospital beds. The idea of talking about a funeral in memory of someone, in my opinion, is disrespectful. Then I attended my Aunts funeral and my perception changed. The only thing I did not like about Gitty’s funeral was her body being lifeless. However, her spirit was in the room. I could feel it. It tickled my skin like a long subtle stroke of a feather against my skin. I was torn at the beginning of the funeral because I didn’t feel sad. It made me feel heartless. My aunt was not about the sad life. Even in tragedy, laughter and smiles move to the front. For the first time in 50 years I understood what it meant to celebrate someone’s life. I comprehend this because on that Friday the 12, 2023 I felt the happiness in the room. I laughed and smiled the entire service. I was happy! Not happy my aunt had transitioned into the spiritual realm. Happy because she shared her life with me and called me baby.
I felt as if she healed my guilt during the service. My guilt of not having the opportunity daily to pick up the phone and call her to see how she was doing. I only knew how and what my aunt was doing through my mother who spoke with her everyday. Even when people spoke about my Aunt, I did not feel sadness or emptiness. Then my mother stood up to speak. I thought this was it. The moment where she loses it here. BUT NO! She spoke so confidently and articulately that it made me proud. Even my cousin Tammy, her daughter, spoke. She too was smooth and assured. During tough times Rivers shine.

Gitty, thank you for being exactly who you are. Who you are enables us to celebrate your life. Even when we tried to honor you and pay respects, your spirit did not allow us to mourn. Your character was present and your selfless nature was more concerned with each and every one of us. As we were there for you, you were there for us protecting us from the pain as you always have. Continue to check up on my mother, your sisters and brother, your daughter and grandkids and all of your friends and family. 506 is my play three and 2023 is my play four. I love you!

Thank you for reading

Your Friend Wakime