Men Matter

Growing up to this day I am faced with one consistent question. What is your nationality? I have been asked if I was Jamaican, Dominican, Mixed black and white, Puerto Rican and mixed Puerto Rican and black to name a few. I was always told that I was black. I believed this most of my young life. I recall in 5th or 6th grade doing a family tree. My father directed me to my grandfather and he gave me a history dating back to the early 1800’s. This information was accompanied with stories. I really felt like I knew my fathers side of the family. As a child we had family reunions and I would meet relatives from all over the United States. My great aunt’s and uncles would display so much pride in their heritage. My Grandfather was from the south and experienced racism in a different way then I did as a kid and adult. He was not fond of white folk, but always informed me that my family had white blood. It was not very clear to me the source of the white blood but I understood it as a woman had kids and may have even married a white man in the early to mid 1800’s. My educated guess was a slave master had babies with his slave and may have even fallen in love with his slave. I do not know for sure.

My mothers family tree dated back to my great grandmother. I have no knowledge and understanding of my great grandmother’s husband. I could not tell you what my grandfather on my mothers side did for work or what type of husband he was. My mother is 1 of 10 so there is a strong family presence. That presence is dominated by the woman in the family. I only met one of my 2 uncles. One passed before my birth. I had plenty of male cousins who were mostly older than me. However, I never had a male figure that truly represented my family name. When I think of “Rivers” I think of strong women. Tough woman. Single woman. I have never been to a wedding or even invited to a wedding for anyone on my Mother’s side of the family. Not that marriage has to be a part of a person’s life. All my cousins have kids though and most of us grew up in a single family households. This also was the case on my fathers side. No one remained married and us kids were left with our mothers.
Here I am 50 and never been married with two kids. I have two sisters that have never been married. One has two kids and the other has one. Our lack of a father and father figure has affected our ability to have appropriate relationships. There is not one male in my family who I can turn to for relationship advice. I am extremely educated and I believe some of the male men in my family are the smartest people I have ever met. They too lacked a consistent male figure in their lives. The results of these circumstances are the cycles repeating and more young people being clueless about their family heritage and understanding of what a father and or man is or should represent. I have been teaching in the inner city school system for close to a ¼ of a century and researching your family history is not a part of the curriculum.
I believe knowing your history is important for a multitude of reasons. The first is pride. I was so proud of my grandfather. I not only knew him, I knew that he was a taxi cab driver and a bar owner in Harlem New York. I know he was married twice. I also know that he believed family was important and he tried to bring us all together as kids so that we could build relationships with each other. I am proud of being a Hauser because of my grandfather and the image he displayed to me. He was not perfect, he was just Harold Hauser! The second history repeats especially if you do not know and understand it. Believing what you want in a single family household is not what children need or want. Children need trustworthy, responsible men and women to model for them. History repeats both negatively and positively. The Hauser’s recently had a 100th reunion. I was there and it was amazing. I have connections all over the USA because of this.
As a man I am finally starting to take accountability for my actions and starting to think about those who will come after me. I am attempting to live a life that exemplifies the meaning of integrity. I want to lead by example keeping my core values throughout the process even when my beliefs may differ from the majority or popular opinion. I no longer want to have a slave mindset. The type of mindset where I do what I am told because everyone else is doing it. I want to hold true to the foundation even when I am faced with resistance and ridicule. A great man told me that what we do today will affect our children tomorrow. I want to leave a positive path for them to leave for those that follow them and so on. I am trying to live by those words of advice. Thanks POPPY!

Thanks for reading
Your friend
Wakime Hauser