Your character is naked!

As I argued with my best man (Brandon, my oldest son), I was reminded of this Ed Mylet podcast I was listening to in which he was interviewing Eric Thomas ( ET the hip hop preacher). They were talking about “what you have will never change who you are.” ET mentioned a quote that went something like “ look in the mirror, not the window”. I do not recall who it was from or if that is the exact quote. What I do know is that I lost about 5 minutes of the podcast content while I was in deep thought. It dawned on me that “Character is Naked”.
We could all agree or disagree that nothing changes if we don’t change. Meaning that some may say, if a person is unhappy now in their current relationship with their spouse, they will be unhappy in their next relationship. Others may say they will be happy in their next relationship because they were unhappy with the person they were in a relationship with.. Do people make you happy? ORRRRR do people add to your happiness? I hate to bust your bubble! People do not make people happy. Happiness comes from the inside. The mirror is happiness. You can argue that people make your life better, that people make you feel better. However,they truly can not bring you your happiness. Happiness is nude. Happiness is not that dream car you drive, or that vacation home. It is not your favorite pair of jeans or hat you wear. It’s not those eyelashes, haircut or nails. You do not wear happiness on your feet! Happiness is you. It’s inside you under all those layers you tend to hide under. In order to find happiness you must remove the mask. The money, the material objects, the attention and get down right naked. Put away that phone! How do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself? Would you want to be your best friend, husband, mother, father, child ,boss, employee, grandparent or neighbor? When stripped down to what you were born with, are you happy with your own skin?

I wore a mask for decades, maybe my entire life. I was looking out of the window trying to be what I thought the world wanted me to be. I played sports because it was fun and I saw people on TV who were idolized because they played sports. I wore sneakers that everyone else thought were cool. I remember when the first pair of jordans came out and I got them. I did not even like Michael Jordan. I was a Knick fan and I should have been trying to get the Ewing’s when they came out in 1990, but Adidas was losing its popularity as break dancing was fading. I wanted the Jordans and to be honest at the time you could easily go to the shoe store in the mall and get them. It had to be right before the summer of 85. My mother took me to the Stamford mall in Connecticut. She complained about the price which was $64.99 and how ugly they were. They were three colors: black, red and white. She said you’re going to be wearing the same clothes everyday because that is not going to match with another pair of sneakers for that price. I do not think those sneakers made it past that summer. I thought I was cool at first. But as time went on I realized I did not like the shoes and I did not like the bulls. So I never bought another pair of jordans until after Jordan retired. Those sneakers made me feel good for a brief moment. However, they didn’t make me happy.

My grandfather passed away early in my adult life. I was 28 and I cried. I hated the world. I hated the world before he passed. I was happy he was alive. I just was not happy. Him passing away did not change my happiness, it just made me sad in the moment. After my grandfather passed, I started writing songs. I already wrote poetry. Most people thought poetry was corny. They would tell me that poets are only known after they die. Rappers are tough and cool, they get the ladies. So I tried to be a rapper. I love music. To be honest I do not like violence, drugs, or flashy objects. So I was only passionate about the music that I wrote about my real life. Which now and then is hard to sell as a black man. Being poor, going to school, and getting a degree to work, and still being poor is not a hit record. No one wants to buy the struggle unless it comes from the classic sex, drugs, and violence. It’s unfortunate because many men like me have the same story. One again I was searching for happiness in the window.

I knew I was unhappy with life. I said when I have no bills, my house is paid for, my car is paid for, and I have 6 figures in the bank I will be happy. It happened. I was not happy. I was still looking out the window. I was looking at all the dressed up people through the window as they also looked at people through the window with their smartphones trying to figure out how to be liked. Trying to be liked comes with a sacrifice. You lose yourself and become layered with what makes others value you. If they disapprove, then you become unhappy. Is that happiness? Or is that a recipe of oil and water mixing together then striking a match and calling it a marinade simmering. The window will show you the sun and place you in the dark. Do not get me wrong, the darkness has created an abundance of amazing people. I believe they were naked in the dark.

I began to become happy when I got naked. In the nude. When my bank account and material objects do not matter anymore. When I am in the shower butt naked I imagine my day. It is focused on being true to myself first. That truth forces me to be honest with the world around me. Don’t get it twisted, I still look out the window. There are amazing people in this world who are living as the reflection of themselves. I read and listen to people who I feel spend more time in the mirror than the window. The mirror is helping me become a better husband-to-be, father, friend, trainer, writer, and man of God. The window helped me hide under gold, dollar signs and illusions. My character when I was in that window trying to be like what I saw was flawed, it had no boundaries. It would do whatever it took to become “HAPPY” in the moment, and hate myself in the reality that followed. My bare soul in the mirror does not lie! I am what I do and when I look in the mirror, I see what I do. I am a sinner. I make mistakes daily and I see it all naked, face to face.

This Micheal Jackson song hits hard!
I’m gonna make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right
As I, turn up the collar on
My favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind pretending not to see their needs?
A summer’s disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on the wind ya know
‘Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could’ve been any clearer
If they wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
Listen to this acapella version

Thanks for reading , your friend, Wakime